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(ANCHOR ON CAM)
OVER SIX THOUSAND STUDENTS, TEACHERS AND ADMINISTRATORS THROUGHOUT CALIFORNIA CAME TO THE STATE CAPITAL THIS MORNING DEMANDING FUNDS FOR HIGHER EDUCATION.
(ANCHOR/VO)
THE MARCH BEGAN AT RALEY FIELD WITH THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FOLLOWING THE PATH TOWARDS THE STATE CAPITOL CARRYING SIGNS THAT SAID “STOP BUDGET CUTS” AND CHANTING “SCHOOL NOT WAR.”
STUDENTS FROM DE ANZA COLLEGE IN CUPERTINO WORE RED SHIRTS THAT SAID “STUDENTS FOR JUSTICE” TRYING TO RAISE AN AWARNESS ON THE IMPORTANCE OF HIGHER EDUCATION.
WITH THE BUDGET CRISIS IN CALIFORNIA THE STATE LEGISLATORS ARE CUTTING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TOWARDS EDUCATION…COMMUNITY COLLEGES ARE RAISING FEES AND CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITIES ARE REDUCING THE ADMISSION OF FRESHMEN STUDENTS.
LT. GOV JOHN GARAMENDI, SPEAKER AT THE RALLY SUPPORTED THE PROTEST VOICING HOW STUDENT’S ARE A VALUBALE ASSET.
THE PEACEFUL PROTEST ENDED WITH STUDENTS ONLY HOPING FOR ECONOMIC CHANGE.
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Your lead is a little too "hard news" ... print-style, that is. Try for a softer, attention-getting intro to your story, then get to the news.
ReplyDeleteSIX-THOUSAND STUDENTS
Your third and fourth paragraphs are both one long sentence ... too long! Break them up.
AN AWARENESS OF (not AN AWARNESS ON)
Script: 21/25
Broadcast: 24/25